Parenting is tough! No one will argue with that statement. It can feel as if you are under a lot of pressure, constantly. After all, as a parent, you provide the foundation for your child’s life. It is a big job. So, as you navigate this tough yet important job, here are a few reminders.
You Don’t Have to Do it Alone
There are parenting resources available at local community centers and even here at Cypress Wellness Center. There are a lot of people out there who want parents to succeed! Everything from after-school care to childcare for a couple hours at your local YMCA while you workout, to parenting courses, parent-child communication courses, support groups for children and adults, and more. Family therapy can also be a big step to promote better communication with your children and spouse, improve family relationships, and establish harmony in the home. Your therapist may also be able to connect you with other resources that would be helpful for your family.
Forget the Blame and Shame Game
Parenting is a hard enough job already, so there is no reason to make it harder by blaming or shaming ourselves or other parents. We all make mistakes. It’s what you do with the mistakes that matters. If you find yourself losing patience on a regular basis, consider the source of your impatience. There are many life stressors that can build up and create tension within us and within our relationships with our kids. If you can figure out how to reduce these stressors, that may help improve your relationships. Tapping into your community, social, and family resources can help with this.
Stress Management
However, sometimes stress is unavoidable. When you feel yourself getting frustrated with your kids, taking a moment to pause for a few deep breaths can help diffuse a situation. You can even tell your kids, “I just need a moment, I’m really frustrated right now.” The more you communicate with them and the more honest you are with them, the more honest they will be with you. If you are so dysregulated that you want to yell at them, imagine how dysregulated they must be. Remember, they are still learning how to regulate their impulses and emotions. When you model behaviors like taking a deep breath before you start yelling, they will eventually adopt this method of self-regulation.
You are Learning Too
Remind yourself and your kids that you are learning how to be a parent, just as they are learning how to be the person who they will be. Ask for forgiveness and let them know that you are working on doing better. If you yelled at them and escalated a situation into an argument, take those deep breaths and then work to repair the relationship. A simple apology and bid for forgiveness can go a long way, even with a child as young as four years old. You are human too, and you make mistakes. It’s good for kids to see you make mistakes and correct them. No one is perfect. If we can model for our children how to learn from our errors and make adjustments to our behavior to do better, we are teaching them this very important lesson.
How Family Therapy Can Help
Sometimes, we get stuck in patterns that we don’t even know we are in. Family therapy can helpl unravel the communication blocks and struggles, so parents and kids both can feel heard and understood. Clear communication is especially important in times of struggle. So, while a therapist can’t remove the twists and turns of life and they can’t promise that there won’t be conflict, you may walk away with better tools to handle the struggles that do arise. You may learn to catch yourself before the escalation, to talk through conflict, to do a better job of listening to your kids. They may learn that their voices matter and that they have some autonomy. Perhaps even some restructuring and boundary-setting is in order so that parents and children are fulfilling the appropriate roles. Your therapist will come up with a plan to help your family work through the issues that are preventing harmony in your household.
And at the end of the day, tell your children you love them, in whatever way that looks for your family. We all love to be loved! Written By: Nikki Bromley (Nikki sees clients of all ages and works with families.) Nikki specializes in Depression and Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Life Transitions, and Trauma. As a student therapist, Nikki works under the supervision of a licensed professional to ensure the highest quality of care for her clients.
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