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Health and Sexuality: Recovering from infidelity

Updated: Jun 30, 2021


"My husband recently disclosed that he has had multiple affairs in our 11-year marriage. I love him and want to stay married, but I am so angry and hurt by his deceptions. How can I get past my anger?"

In 2015, YouGov, a polling company with operations in the United States, found that 21 percent of men and 19 percent of women surveyed admitted that they had cheated on their partners. Seven percent said they would rather not answer the question. Cheating has become much easier in today's society, especially with the proliferation of websites where anything from a committed relationship to a sexual partner is just a few clicks away.

I have worked with many couples recovering from infidelity. It is a tough road for both partners and requires open and honest communication. You will likely experience anger for several months before you can set it aside for brief periods to work on the relationship. Often, anger is paired with feelings of numbness, disgust, and deep sadness. Many of the women I have worked with find it takes them months to get to the point where they are able to consider allowing their husbands to intimately touch them again. You will get to that point too, but it is crucial you communicate with your husband about your feelings and the types of boundaries you need with him in order to heal.

It is important to remember that you and your partner are both going through a journey of recovery. For him, disclosure and full honesty are not easy. For you, learning about the affairs and grieving the loss of what you thought the relationship was is not easy. Finding ways to reconnect in a manner that works for both of you will aid in the healing process. You and your husband may also want to consider couples counseling and individual counseling to process your emotions.

Dr. Katie Schubert has master's and doctorate degrees in sociology and gender studies from the University of Florida and a master's degree in clinical mental health counseling from Adams State University in Colorado. She completed her postgraduate studies at Florida Postgraduate Sex Therapy Training Institute and is a certified sex therapist, providing therapy to individuals, couples and families on issues related to sexuality, sex and gender in St. Petersburg. She also is a professor of sociology at the University of Tampa. Contact her at

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